For the past few months, I’ve been super needy.
My poor friends. (Seriously, Kellie.) With those in my inner circle, instead of the traditional give-and-take of conversations among women, it’s been all about me. For hours at a time. “Can I talk about this? Would you help me process that? Because, oh girl, I’m struggling. I’m going through this and I am trying to make sense of that and I just really need your help with the other thing…”
Need, need, need. Take, take, take. If I counted up the hours my nearest and dearest have listened to me over the past few months we’d total at least a full 24/7 of conversations about me. Me, me, me. Friends, you know who you are.
It doesn’t feel natural for me to be this needy. In most of my relationships, I feel comfier as the question asker, the listener, the fixer, the how-can-we-make-this-better-let’s-put-our-heads-together-and-figure-this-out-we’re-not-leaving-till-everyone-feels-hopeful-again friend. But I just haven’t been in that space lately. I’ve been so consumed in my own stuff that I’ve needed lots of extra love and support lately, and there’s been no option other than for me to just own it.
Unexpectedly, I think it’s been kinda good for me.
I’m not really sure where I’m going with this, but I think I just want to come out and say to all my fellow fixer types out there that owning a little neediness is hella empowering.
In revealing my raw, real self to my inner circle, I’ve experienced a kind of grace I can’t quantify.
For one, inevitably, these friends listen and, what’s more, all my stuff stays safe with them. Beyond that, if you could just see the looks on their faces when I talk, the soft curve of their smiles as they listen, the warmth in their eyes and the gentleness and strength of their arms around me—it’s lush and wonderful. It’s a kind of love that, as the fixer, you so often give but so rarely allow yourself to receive.
It feels miraculous to allow myself to lean on my people, some new, some tried and true, to help me navigate the trickiness that crops up in life. It’s not a practice to which I’m accustomed, this leaning completely into the love of friends, and I recommend it wholeheartedly. If perchance you feel like you don’t have these people in your life at present, call them in. Ask the Universe to bring you people aligned with your highest and greatest good, trust they’ll show up and then receive.
This is all a tad stream-of-consciousness-y, but I guess I just want to encourage anyone out there who’s feeling a little needy right now—and I know you are many, you immaculate fixers, you—to reach out to your inner circle and receive. As the beautiful, imperfectly perfect person you are, you have a little friendship coming to you. Just sayin’.