You mean drunk moms aren’t awesome? Or, Higher Self says, “Middle way, or the highway.”

Somewhere between college and today, something happened. Out of nowhere, it just doesn’t feel cool to get drunk anymore and, suddenly, there’s no room for the swearing, sassing, filter-less, gossiping, bold-talking Emily that emerges after too much alcohol. Plain and simple, she is unintentionally holding me back from the Emily I want to be.

The awareness of dissonance surfaced after my last girls’ night as an ominous question:  Is it possible to both enjoy wine and be my highest self? It came back to me in the days following Halloween night, when we had an indulgent front-porch party with various neighbors. After a couple days of feeling just plain icky—in my heart, not my body—I’ve detected a screeching discord between the Emily I want to be and the Emily I am when I’m drunk. Drunk Emily, though she doesn’t surface that often, is begging to be phased out for a while.

I don’t recall parts of Halloween night, which is frightful in itself, but I do know I uncharacteristically spoke rudely to a friend I love and, as stills from the night flashed back to me in fractured pieces, I was riddled with embarrassment for what I might’ve said or done. Whose feelings did I hurt? Who was the brunt of my gossip? Was my bra showing the entire night? What do some of these people think of me now?

Granted, worrying about what people think of me is a worry I normally recommend against indulging. However, I’m on a sincere mission to be a channel for love and light, and as clear as I feel at the time I’m enjoying an alcohol-altered state, I’m far from an open channel for all that’s good in the world.

So, I’m delighted, and also a little bashful about sharing, that I have been free from drunkenness for an entire month. The operative word is “free,” I think. When I’m entertaining or out on the town, which is the usual time I opt to have a cocktail, two glasses of wine is my new black. I’m not sure how long this will last, or what direction I’m heading, but for now, the middle road feels really good.

Note: While my path to higher consciousness now involves a hiatus on boozing, yours might not, in which case, cheers! The important thing to me is that I listen to what my inner voice is saying, and I wish you all the best of the best as you listen to your own.

3 thoughts on “You mean drunk moms aren’t awesome? Or, Higher Self says, “Middle way, or the highway.”

  1. OMG! I feel the same way! After getting a little tipsy at my friend’s Thanksgiving dinner, I haven’t had a drink since. I woke up the next morning feeling “icky” as you described, embarrassed that I had shared TMI with my friend’s dinner guests. Yikes! I was never a big drinker but it’s strange all the opportunities that have come my way in the last month after not drinking. I too feel “free”.
    Emily, you are such a gifted writer! You are able to articulate feelings that have me saying “Yes!” “So true!” ‘Exactly!” I am one of your biggest fans.

    • Thank you so much for sharing your Thanksgiving story. It’s also really cool for me to know my experience resounded with yours. I’m totally psyched for you that you’re feeling free–and finding all kinds of new opportunities as a result. Hooray for you!

  2. Pingback: And the winner of the Mrs. Party Mom Pageant is… Emily’s shadow side! (cue the crown and the tears.) « emily en route

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s